Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Hey thanks!

I just want to write something happy because oh! Oh I'm happy. Oh man I am. 
I'm sittin here in this new apartment wrapped up in Claire's blanket and I just have to say something good. That's all. Goodness. (Hey, did you know Claire's my roommate now! Yeah!)

I can't say the details, but here's the deal: Everyone just do what God tells you to do.
This is different from just sayin you're gonna do it. 
That's right, you have to actually move forward! Who woulda thought?
And when you do, God sends you good things.
Because he wanted to the whole time you know, he was ready. You just had to do a few more things before he could justify giving you even more than he already has. 
You mean I have to earn some of these blessings?
You mean I have to do stuff?
Yes. I know. Shocking.
I know because this happened to me in real life this week.

And here's the deal: My life still doesn't make sense!
Isn't that great?!
It doesn't make sense and I'm still ridiculously happy.
I have been livin blissfully for at least 72 hours straight.

Accept for this one part of the day when I teared-up over my HUGE desire for a cheeseburger and how tired I was and weirdy my body was being. I may or may not have thrown my wallet at the couch and gotten a little flustered. Sorry. I had to pray and take a nap... after I ate my cheeseburger of course. The cheeseburgering/praying/napping combination worked wonders by the way. But really! Except for that moment of gross... miraculous happiness abounds.

If you're havin trouble feelin this way, check out my Little Breezy. Not only has he acquired himselg a cute little pair of glasses, he's ridin a Two-Wheeler! 

Friday, April 16, 2010

Ok? Ok.

Okay so I just have to say a lot of things. A LOT OF THINGS.

My life is going to be okay! It is!

And people can throw down on my conviction. Bring it on. Try and make me feel small.

Because here's the deal: You can.
I'm not too proud to admit that right now.
You have the capacity to make me feel stupid and weak and meaningless.
But oh man I'm so good at bouncing back. I can expand back to full-size.

Lately God does not mess around when he talks to me.
We do business.
He tells me what he needs me to do.
And I have to follow through before I can receive more.
Step. Go. Do.

I saw three deer in the yard today.
They did not run away from me. We just stared.
We saw clearly.
I was so moved.
I wish I could explain what it meant to me.

I am scared.
I have fear.
I move forward.

I think we want the same thing.
But that does not mean
We will see.
I don't have to know what it means.

Brooke showed me this today:
Alma 26:16—“Therefore, let us glory, yea, we will glory in the Lord; yea, we will praise God forever. Behold, who can glory too much in the Lord? Yea, who can say too much of his great power, and of his mercy, and of his long-suffering towards the children of men? Behold, I say unto you, I cannot say the smallest part which I feel.”


I can keep singing loud.
I can handle your choices.
And mine.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Always preliminary.

Today, I feel like this.
(I'm one on the left.)
* * * * *

vin·di·cate[vin-di-keyt] –verb (used with object)

1. to clear, as from an accusation, imputation, suspicion, or the like.
2. to afford justification for; justify.
3. to uphold or justify by argument or evidence: to vindicate a claim.
4. to assert, maintain, or defend (a right, cause, etc.) against opposition.
5. to claim for oneself or another.
* * * * *
Verily, verily, I say unto thee, 
blessed art thou for what thou hast done; for thou hast inquired of me, 
and behold, as often as thou hast inquired 
thou hast received instruction of my Spirit. 
If it had not been so, thou wouldst not have come 
to the place 
where thou art 
at this time.
D&C 6:14 
* * * * *

And he said, Go forth, and stand upon the mount before the Lord
And, behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, 
and brake in pieces the rocks before the Lord; but the Lord was not in the wind: 
and after the wind an earthquake; but the Lord was not in the earthquake: 
And after the earthquake a fire; but the Lord was not in the fire: 
and after the fire 
a still small voice.
Kings 19:11-12
* * * * *

* * * * *

Thursday, April 1, 2010

This can be me.

"There were in her at the moment two beings, one drawing deep breaths of freedom and exhilaration, the other gasping for air in a little black prison-house of fears. But gradually the captives gasps grew fainter, or the other paid less heed to them; the horizon expanded, the air grew stronger, and the free spirit quivered for flight."

The House of Mirth
By Edith Wharton
Page 69