THE TIME: 1:56 AM
THE MUSIC: "West Coast" By Coconut Records
WHAT I SHOULD BE DOING: A kaZillion things that matter less.
Its 2 in the mornin'.
I think there's something about the night time that changes people.
I've been sorting through all my things... just to make empty spaces out of full ones. I hate packing.
I've been doing this all night in my surfboard pajama pants, I love them... this is weird because they used to belong to a boy I dont talk to or think about anymore. Anyway, I was plopped down indian style in my sweet pants on my ick.awesome DT carpet. I found some one else's fingernail polish under the bed. Its kind of a brown color. (I hate referring to colors as “neutral” or “beige.” Hate it.) I thought about giving it back... but first I painted one of my fingernails with it. Ack. I immediately regretted the decision. The rest of my fingernails are summery orange... and even though the paint on them is chipped and kinda ugly, at least it was a me-color. Now the brown one sticks out not only because its the only one fully painted, but because it has an air of permanence as this dull and out of place why-did-I-ever-choose-this kind of color. And even if I take it off, I can't keep the orange underneath from coming off with it. One day I'll repaint it, but it won't be the same layer as the original.
Recently I've had to say goodbye to a lot of people. Some of them were regular I'll miss you good byes. But some of them were the kind of goodbye where you talk about everything that has happened, fix it as much as you can, and realize that it is truly too late to fully make up for your mistakes. I've had a lot of mistake-talks, but the part about feeling too late is definitely new to me. The realizations that have come with this new kind of goodbye, are exactly like my beige painted fingernail.
This is my constant reminder.
1 comment:
lyndsi! This was so good. You know how much I LOVE LOVE LOVE to read your writing. Somewhere I copied and pasted a whole bunch of your xanga writings, but now I've got a new laptop. Dang...I wish I knew where they were. One day I told myself I would make a book out of your writings, just for myself, so that I could read whenever I wanted to love life again. I wish I would have had that book end of 2006 beginning of 2007. Hardest time of my entire life. (things ended with Lake and I finally realized he didn't love me the way that I loved him) I think your writing would have helped me a lot. This is a long comment, I know, but I have a lot to tell you. First of all, why did we never hang out more?! Every time I had SO much fun with you. Lets definitely hang out when I go home. Bad news: I wont be home for long. I'm staying with my mom's boyfriend's mom at Holden Beach. She wanted company for the summer, I need a good job, and I want to get away from the life I've already known (and seeing "LAKE Norman" everywhere I look) PERFECT opportunity. If there is any way possible, I would love for you to come visit while I'm there. Right on the beach. Literally walking distance. Even if it's just for one day. We would have SO much fun! :) Plus, lets write letters to each other...until forever actually. I love writing and receiving letters, and I NEVER get anything in the mail. So just message me back on the "oh so wonderful" Facebook and tell me what you think...about everything. Talk to you soon!
P.S. I miss being call Sof. :)
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