THE DAY: April 24th 2007
THE TIME: 1:56 AM
THE MUSIC: "West Coast" By Coconut Records
WHAT I SHOULD BE DOING: A kaZillion things that matter less.
Its 2 in the mornin'.
I think there's something about the night time that changes people.
I've been sorting through all my things... just to make empty spaces out of full ones. I hate packing.
I've been doing this all night in my surfboard pajama pants, I love them... this is weird because they used to belong to a boy I dont talk to or think about anymore. Anyway, I was plopped down indian style in my sweet pants on my ick.awesome DT carpet. I found some one else's fingernail polish under the bed. Its kind of a brown color. (I hate referring to colors as “neutral” or “beige.” Hate it.) I thought about giving it back... but first I painted one of my fingernails with it. Ack. I immediately regretted the decision. The rest of my fingernails are summery orange... and even though the paint on them is chipped and kinda ugly, at least it was a me-color. Now the brown one sticks out not only because its the only one fully painted, but because it has an air of permanence as this dull and out of place why-did-I-ever-choose-this kind of color. And even if I take it off, I can't keep the orange underneath from coming off with it. One day I'll repaint it, but it won't be the same layer as the original.
Recently I've had to say goodbye to a lot of people. Some of them were regular I'll miss you good byes. But some of them were the kind of goodbye where you talk about everything that has happened, fix it as much as you can, and realize that it is truly too late to fully make up for your mistakes. I've had a lot of mistake-talks, but the part about feeling too late is definitely new to me. The realizations that have come with this new kind of goodbye, are exactly like my beige painted fingernail.
This is my constant reminder.