Courage, teach me to be shy.

These are pictures from some time within the past two years:
I have something to say about them.


I'd just been born into a new era of my life and had no idea what was coming.There was something in my countenance that isn't there anymore--
A simple oblivion, a younger innocence.


The phases of the coming storm were on the tip of time's tongue.

I know now that I was ready back then.
The strength was within me, but still dormant.
When the quaking came, I found it.
It grew and drew back in waves, but I was never alone.
And then, much later, I overcame.

Mark 5

She felt in her body that she was healed of that plague..And he said unto her, Daughter, thy faith hath made thee whole; .
Go in peace, and be whole of thy plague.

I see myself now...I know that the specific innocence of that girl is no longer detectable in me, because I traded it for something I needed more. I miss her sometimes, though I do not regret what replaced her.



I am growing up.
I cannot define what was or what is.
I know only that I am a tough girl,
a strong and grateful woman.
I am not afraid to see my efforts in ashes--
because I know that I will rise.

...Even so, I desire that ye should stand fast in this liberty wherewith ye have been made free.
Mosiah 23


* * * * * * *

THE DATE: December 21st, 2007
THE TIME: 7:08ish AM
THE MUSIC:
THE MOMENT:The airport; sitting by the paintings with the notebook Shavondah made me.

M o u n t a i n s.

The quaking of the earth woke her core as it surged to the surface. She remains native to its shivering, yet somehow still solid in her perpetual upward reach. In time, the stoic stare of her winding angles will soften with the sundown, nurturing the wild horizon.

* * * * * * *

THE DAY: December 30th, 2007
THE TIME: afternoonish maybe.
THE MUSIC: Cannonball; Damien Rice
THE MOMENT: I miss Kennylove.

I saw us before I fell asleep…

We were UPSiDe dOWn like divers,
but with chaos added to the grace,
our pulse could not evade the gravity of time.
There is a fine line between the lucid art we claim and the circus they see.
Our truth versus their logic
Still,
though I sometimes can't move the kaleidescope from my eyes,
my foundation in you remains—I am not afraid.

* * * * * * *

THE DAY: December 26th, 2007
THE TIME: 1:30 in the mornin
THE MUSIC: Its Rainin In Baltimore; Counting Crows
THE MOMENT: Drivin home at night.

B r i d g e s.

Though the moon hung distant in the sky; the reflection of its light stretched eerily across the water beneath. I stared back as memories from my moonlit past rocked out of my bones. From its floating linear path it reached, like a ghost, for me. But I had built the bridge I stood upon, and so I trusted my resilience.

Like me, these trees are heaving for a breeze. We both are often blocked by mystery, wilted from the anticipation.

Still, I know the solid placement of each stone beneath my feet, and thus I am stronger than the reflection before me.

"Snap her up in a butterfly net and pin her down on a photograph album..."

**Two Scraps from some study breaks**

THE DAY: December 10th
THE TIME: 11:36
THE MUSIC: Doubting Thomas
THE MOMENT:Lights Blurrred

Wintertiming walks silently beside me as I walk the street. At the end of this stretch, there is a potential for rest. There are lights on the houses and debts in the wallets; the doors are all closed, but a chimney is no place for God to enter in. Chemicals clear the roads and by morning the black grids line the city once again. We rely merely on empty cardinal direction. There is a force above, frozen deep beneath the surface, compelling my red arrow northward… though I can't bring my hands to leave my pockets. Still, I feel the fire within me. I know this winter brings new chills of the unknown and not-yet loved. I stare into the cloud that has sunken down to swallow the mountains—I will not be overcome again.

THE DAY: December 12th
THE TIME: 1:26 pM
THE MUSIC: I Need You; Faith Hill with Tim McGraw
THE MOMENT: underground in a library

Relief escapes my lungs for what my life has not become. The mysterious future spreads out beneath my running steps. The space behind me ignites, smoking with the beautiful destruction that occurs when completion is the sole thing exhaling from the land. The smoke signals the helicopters of those who are searching for where I’ve gone. Here are the remains. My Father scavenges for what he did not preserve. The drunken boy across the lake never made it back to his own ashes. From my Father's mournful music I learned of trading "cold comfort for change." Let them live on in their own roads. Let mine intertwine with the windings of other’s. Inside of the calm and the urgency, there is hope in the certainty that nothing will defy the sunrise.

THE DAY:December 10th 2007
THE TIME: 10:03 AM
THE MUSIC:Silence Magnifies Sound; Six Parts Seven
THE MOMENT: More LRC... and more. And more.

Its Ten.
I've been awake since 6:15.
I have a 7 page paper due at 4.
I have done nothing.
Hello Life, who are you?
Somehow you turned into school,
and I haven't seen you since.

A few nights ago I was sitting in the hall with some kids.
I wanted to slam one of them in the face, multiple times.
Then he asked me on a date, I said yes.
I just love food... and I'm poor.
Free-dinner-yes?
K thanks.

This weekend Katie asked me if I was goin to mack a certain boy.
I answered in great detail.
Oh girl... not tonight I said.
Maybe later, but probably not... I dont know.
On account of I just love my Kennylove.
Then, I accidentally texted it to said boy.
I suck.

Also,
I love my Kahiliaulani.
Mmmm Hmmm.

I feel like one permanent goosebump.
Shiver.