change in the weather.

( From a letter)

...I had to pack my life with powerful things so I could feel the emotion I was craving. There were two games of volleyball, two basketball, one day of pottery etching, one painting, a night sleepin up on a mountain under the sky, two hiking trips and one Friday at the waterfall. My last journal started around the end of March, and I was writing the final page of it on that Friday. I have learned so much this year, even in the few months of that journal, about what I actually want. Here's how the last page went:

05.08.2009
I am sitting next to a waterfall.
I am not -------.
I am not --------.
I am not overtaken by either of these facts. Instead, I am a culmination. I am my own result. I know God has been preparing me all my life for the things I learned this year. Here, in the shadow of the fall, I am a quiet ledge, a cold cold drop from midway down the mountain. As I fall away from this moment, I am free-- evaporating to a new state of being.


I signed my name on the last inch of the bottom corner, and reached to let the water splash on my page a little. I slipped for a second-- Brooklyn screamed and that last page ripped-- one half remained in my hand, and the other tumbled with the rest of my journal, down Bridal Veil Falls. All the words have now been soaked in the stages of falling water, they smear and stretch across the spiral book. It was beautiful, like the pages came to life inside of their finality.

"Periods of tranquility are seldom prolific of creative achievement. Mankind has to be stirred up."
--Alfred North Whitehead.