Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Did you doubt the curve of the earth?

I ached for you. And though I would never look back, I broke a part of myself in order to break free, and sometimes, this new skin is colder than the original, tougher—by necessity, but nonetheless lonely. I am not the innocent blonde in your backyard anymore. I am not the summer girl in your bed. I am not your letter-writing illusion across the country.
My words are mine. But because they belong solely to me, they are often alone.
Strong. But alone.
I am frustrated with the way I have slapped myself in the face.
Because with Jesse, I head-on trusted what I’ve been running away from all along.
And so, it is not about what he did to me, it is about the self-guided collision course I blindly drove through.
It is about the small feeling that somewhere within me, I am back where I started.
And that others have found their place in the space I sensed I would fill.
Stephanie Draughon.
Stephanie Jensen.
I am nowhere near what you’ve found.
When no one is listening, a stealthy sense of self-pity offers its company.
I loathe its voice.
I can be strong alone, but must I be?

Lyndsi Shae 2:48 AM
February 16th, 2008.

"There is no excellent beauty which hath not some strangeness of proportions."
--Francis Bacon

1 comment:

siovhan said...

Okay lovie, here goes the lovin a la LyndsiShae. You are one of the strongest people I know. And I admire that and I find it so very honorable. This whole week when things have gotten tough I've felt the need to be strong, like you, and when I really began to feel like I needed to be honest with myself and with the boy my exact thoughts were "I need to beast you...like LyndsiShae does, any maybe I'll pull it off with the amazing finesse she does and you'll still like me." You are such an inspiration to me. And I truly love you tons. My kindergarten friend. =]