Thursday, February 25, 2010

Hi. This is my brain.

A thought:
You know how there are some people who are just... unique?
But they're not really unique because there are so many of them...
What's their word?
You know those people who eat really fantasitcally natural food and are all about whole grains and whole yoga and whole green beans from their own college garden? They call concerts "shows" and movies "films." They know all the little downtown shops and trendy independent online companies that sell the best journals and flat shoes and skinny jeans? They're outfits are like neverending urban outfitters catalogues and they're just smart and funny and hope to be intriguing because they are secretly awesome at taking "photographs" or drawing "sketches" or memorizing folk/indie/bluegrass tunes. (These are like easylistening, but vintage. So above Delilah.) Earth hues. Organic remedies.Get it?
I love watching those people.
I love talking to them on the chance that I understand what they're saying.

The truth is: 
Sometimes I really want to be one of those people.
But I'm not.
Besides all the Wendy's I eat and country I sing and pajamas I incorporate into my daily attire...
I have all this emotion and loudness and contradiction...
and I'm just way too intense to be so organically delicate.
I think that's okay.

Another confession:
Gosh I feel lonely on this blog lately.
I leave for such long periods of time, and when I come back, I feel like I have failed this little page.
It's like I come back to my old home,
after being away on something gross like business leave...
something I never wanted to do in the first place.
It smells blank, void, dusty.
There are cobwebs on my favorite chair
and the sun doesn't quite shine through the tired glass of my discarded windows.
Ya'll, it's like even the fish has died.
And no one knocks on the door anymore.
I know this is all very dramatic,
but it's the truth.
Today I even looked up another blog site to see if I should start over.
Gasp! Oh the disloyalty! I know!
But that hypothetical new page would have no idea...
No idea that I let go of my home for so long.
That my expression often doesn't make it past preliminary thought,
And that this has been the case for a dang long dusty time.
It would know no feelings of neglect.
But then it also wouldn't know me.
So I'm not sure it's the answer.
Is anyone out there? Can we still believe?


Joran said...

I don't understand why you want to be one of those people with skinny leg jeans and flat shoes. Admittedly, it's not my scene, but I have nothing against those who like that kind of stuff. In my limited experience of knowing who you are, it seems that you are more unique than any category can hold. You have elements of the organic crowd, yet something fundamentally different in you. I don't think I could classify you. And that is why I don't think I understand what you mean.

Anyway, I like your exploration through words. Keep it up.

David's Holla Atchya! Blog said...

You know how sometimes I wear really ghetto clothes? It's because I partially want to be someone I'm not. So I just dress like I am. :) I too feel like a sell-out when I disregard my blog. But, life happens and as much as I love blogging, there are priorities higher on my list. Not many, but a few. Just be who you love and who you were born to be.

Claire said...

I haven't been on blogger in at least a month and a half. One time in winter semester.
One time.
I like that I came back on this day, when this post was still your freshest and I could know that it's okay.
Don't move your blog away. This one's too rich with memory and that's become a good thing to me.
To me. So it doesn't actually matter what the heck my opinion is. It's your stuff. They're your thoughts. Put 'em where you'd like.
But I prefer this place.

PleaseRememberMeFondly said...

Those people are called hipsters. And you are way WAY cooler than them. Trust me.

Cami said...

if you move your blog to wordpress you can download this blog to it...

Que Buen Chica! said...

Yeah ... what they said ... *especially Joran -"you are more unique than any category can hold"
*and Claire - "dont move your blog away"
*and Kelsey - youre way cooler than hipster ...