THE TIME: 2:42AM
THE MUSIC: Come Thou Fount Of Every Blessing; Sufjan Stevens cover
THE MOMENT: Flopped out writing with my Siovan
I know who I am. I know what I want. I have exhausted myself writing about those things.
My first thought was that I would love to go to another country, let it mold my perspective… let new images burn words out of me. My little brother Corey and I used to stand in the ocean and karate-chop the waves that broke at our knees. Eventually, we’d swim out to the big ones. Ten years ago,
My little brother Corey and I used to stand in the ocean and karate-chop the waves that broke at our knees. Eventually, we’d swim out to the big ones. Ten years ago,
(I find myself restless… for a whopper-wave kinda change.)
Though I would rarely expect this of myself, I am hoping for one.
I am the happiest I have ever been. I don’t want to let that fact fade into stale neglected thought. I know that because of this freedom, there is so much new space in me-- for new people, new life and new challenges.
I am ready for something new. I am thankful for this chance I have to focus on things I choose to focus on.
I know I don’t have to go to another country.
I’ve really been thinking about charity, and how I want to feel that love within me, to gain a greater understanding of what that’s like. I could do that. I recognize that I could have done that before… but its just easier now. Everything is easier, because I no longer am exerting so much energy into getting through my own trials. I have a new buzzing within me. I can do so much! There are so many opportunities for me to serve and learn that I am totally ignorant about. I want to seek those out and let them absorb me… rather than fall into some type of pride-cycle where I forget to be thankful for who I am and what I am working towards.
One pivotal day this summer I was in a shop with my loves Katie and Kaley.
Someone painted one of the blank clocks with the words:
“She knows the time is now.”
I am ready.
I am willing.
I will search for ways to discover.