Monday, November 30, 2009

I am this woman.

I am on this bed, all showered and ready to be hopeful.
I am a hopeful person.
I am gonna write this paper,
apologize to my friend,
keep my mind open to what I prayed about this mornin.
Today I will make things happen.
Today I will be okay
with the things
I cannot make happen.

Today I will think of all my pages and how I want to show them to everyone.
I will be sad when the publishers
don't bang down my door,
dying to share in my enthusiasm.

and when my paper is done and my body is tired,
there you will be.
Today I will work hard to make my words and myself align,
to push for truth
and then show it to you.
Because you need that.
We need that.
Both of us scrambling for words.
Face down on the floor,
big exhales for the answer that is not simple,
that is not shining above us.
For the release we are seeking, and the question:
do I get to have that with you?
Yesterday you asked, "Are you worried?"
I am. I told you.
How can I show you?
How can I do this
and tomorrow
and again?

Today I will do this again.
On purpose.

Today I will exhaust myself with the choices I am now proclaiming.
I will revere and follow these convictions.
I will go to bed without answers,
and I will not want for clarity.
I will trust.

I will be tired, but I will not wonder...
I will not question myself.
I am a hopeful person.

1 comment:

David's Holla Atchya! Blog said...

Prayer is a great way to start you day. No, prayer is the BEST way to start your day. It's hard for me to remember what I prayed for that morning as I went to bed, but I will try harder.
P.S. Didn't you enter your blog in a writing competition for LDS women awhile back. How did you fare?