Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Declaration: It's gonna be ok, ok?

"I chose and my world was shaken.
So what?
The choice may have been mistaken.
The choosing was not."
--Stephen Sondheim

It is in these periods of my life, these eras of choice and forward motion, where I feel most alive. Even if it creates a struggle, even if I am racked with complexity, I am creating my future. And so, I find myself more fulfilled than I would be in a period of indecision, of stagnant calendar weeks, of horizontal silence. Because surely if I am not reaching up, I am sinking down.

* * * * * 
Part two: Letter from the bestfriend.
(Katie doesn't really know the whole story, she's missing a lot acutally. But she can tell how I'm feelin sometimes, even if I haven't written in a while.)

Lovie! I'm in between shifts at work again (shocker i know) and typin real fast cuz i have nine bajillion things to get done before tomorrow. I know huge things are happenin-slash-will be happenin for the next few weeks. I'm writin to tell you that you are enough. Just you. And if you don't end up with one of those boys it's okay. And if you end up with one of those boys or all of those boys it's okay too.
I'm writin to tell you i feel the power in your words.
I've been readin (as ush) and I just feel the gravity of your words.
I'm writin to tell you that I know you're workin hard to be the best you can be and be diligent in so many areas of your life and God does too.
And I'm writin to tell you that i know what it feels like to be stuck at the bottom of a well of contradictions and unsureities,  
and to just want loving everyone to be enough.

So most of all, I just love you. I wish I could fly you back to NC and we could just lay our souls out on the beach cuz goodness knows theyve been cramped up away from each other for too long.
Also, lately im a mess sometimes. Sometimes I don't know why. Sometimes I'm sad about Africa, sometimes I feel like my life is just nuts. Most of the time I just try to keep workin, keep pushin forward, cuz otherwise I know I'll be drowned in uncertainties. God is showing me important things everyday. I am grateful he just keeps findin a way in cuz sometimes im so wrapped up in everything I cant find his voice amongst all the other ones around me.

Love you bigger than the drive from here to Cali, longer than the plane ride from here to Kenya, and deeper than Mamaw's pineapple dumpcake.

You are my roots,
* * * * * 
Part 3: Hope. 

But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be intreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy. And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace of them that make peace. 
--James 3

1 comment:

Que Buen Chica! said...

I havent been here in a while. I kinda like to save it all up and read it at once.
Katie and Lyndsi - and to think! The first time I sent you over for a play date ... you said something akin to "she isnt my type"
I love you both and love the way you love each other. My best friend growing up ... lives in California and STILL knows what to say and when to say it!