Wednesday, October 17, 2007

.SOME THINGS I WANTED TO SAY.

THE DAY: October 22nd and 23rd, 2007
THE TIME: 9:33 AM. I am awake.
THE MUSIC: The Secrets In The Telling; Dashboard.
THE MOMENT: Blurby.


"They say that anger is just love disappointed."
--The Eagles.

Hi.
My name is Lyndsi Brown.
But I always ignore the Brown at the end because there is actually a Shae in the middle...
...which I like better.
Sometimes I theorize that that has something to do with resentment for my Father and the way his name directly affiliates me with him upon introduction.
I then quickly decide to leave the possibility of that truth floating in my subconscious.
This is because my newest energy has been intentionally devoted to forgiving my Father.
Last night I told God I was ready.
I also told him that I may not know for sure until I see my Dad again.
And so, I wait for Christmas.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"I'll steal your honey like I stole your BIKE."
--LFO

Neal called.
He thought I was engaged.
Thank you Brian Fukumoto.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"If dreams are like movies, then memories are films about ghosts."
--Counting Crows

I used to have three best friends. I was in love with one of them. The other two are still here.
He asked one for my address; he wants to send me a letter.
No matter what he says, he cannot have me anymore.
And by that I mean, he cannot alter my sleep patterns or occupy my pages.
There was a night, a summer dress, a backyard, and the two of us... I reclaimed myself from him.
This morning I thought of him without fear or apology.
You were a part of who I was, but there is no room for you in who I am.
I remain uninhibited by this distance between us. Every distance.
Spread over landscapes that recede behind me, descend beneath me: you are a handful of stories-- our commemorative ashes.
As you faded, I emerged.
Until further notice, I am my own, though I am not afraid
to belong to someone else.





* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Is there truth in your pain? You decide."
--DC
I am the happiest I have ever been. I know my Heavenly Father understands what I have endured. None of my new friends do, and I surprisingly do not feel distanced from them because of that. I know past struggles are mostly over, and that they can be entirely over very soon. I know this joy I've found is not coincidental. I know he sees me out here. He knows me. I am thankful. I am happy. I am myself, one hundred percent.
Relief.

1 comment:

lacey said...

So I have recently began to write in my journal again, I try to make time for it but its hard. Instead I have recently turned back to Photography to get everything out. I thank mr. Keys for this.

Also, I love hearing you talk about letting go. Im not sure if I want to let go of josh..I know I need to but its so hard. He was my best friend, he was the one I talked to all the time..and just knowing that I lost my trust in him is really hard, and I dont know what to do. [by the way im still talking to him..we're friends but nothing more]

Your buick engine is shot, on the way to school one day it wouldnt go over 25mph, then on the way home it wouldnt go over 10mph. Bummer huh? We pulled over and dad got it towed..its gonna cost 2,000 dollars.

Keep writing sister, stay strong.
i love you<3
[check your facebook]